He Restored me!

Psalm 51:10 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation and uphold me with thy free spirit.

Most of the time we want to be heading up the stairs, instead of down. I was always one of those people who thought that nothing bad could ever happen to me. 2016 showed me different and caused me to have a lot of fear and anxiety.

July 2016 I found out that I was pregnant, about a month away from my anniversary. I was so excited, nervous and anxious all at the same time. I even put something special together to tell my husband. I recorded it and everything! Just to confirm I went to the doctors over the course of the next 2 weeks.

One day, I started having really weird pains, and the pains made me even more anxious because I knew somethings was wrong. Late that night we ended up in the emergency room and they tested me again and said that I was pregnant. I kept telling them something is wrong, but they sent me back to sit in the waiting room. After a very long time they called me back and the nurse came in and said that I had a miscarriage. At that moment I felt like someone hit me really hard and all tears just began to flow out of me. I felt sad, hurt, embarrassed, like I let my husband down, all at one time. I think that was one of the worst experiences that I've ever had, worse than the 2 cars I was hit by 2 months after this.

When things like things like this happen to you, you are presented with different doors you can walk through. Fear, bitterness, anxiety, insecurity, or you can choose to go Gods way and allow him to help you. I found myself being weighed down so much, questioning God, asking why? how? Why me? I would smile in front of people, but would cry sometimes at night. Thoughts even crossed my mind, like does this mean that I can't have children? All things that completely go against what his word says! I found myself praying, but praying from a place of hurt, instead of what Gods word says. People would randomly text me, come up to me telling me what God told them to tell me, they tried to encourage me, but sometimes it didn't help.

You have to be careful because sometimes your mind and your emotions can take you to a place that God didn't intend for you to go. No matter how we feel and what we think Gods word is truth and life. He cannot lie. With the help of encouraging people, my family, and my incredible husband, I was able to begin getting myself together. Taking Gods word for what it says and actually believing it. I mean why not? I had and have nothing to lose and everything to gain! His word is what identifies me and identifies you, but you have t be all in or all out. I am thankful for not only my husband, but my father who everyday reminded me of what Gods word says about me, my mother and in laws who constantly encouraged me and still do! This is not to bash anyone else because I didn't tell anyone.

In our marriage, God taught us that he is Sovereign. He doesn't change! Things happen, but the cross happened, and that's why I can say "He restored me".